The Morning of the Big Pig Show

The alarm clocks are going off with a vengeance these days. School has already started or about to be back in session for most and it’s time to get the hell out of bed. (And the end of late-night Fortnite, can I get an AMEN?!)

It’s during this most wonderful time of the year I like to give advice to my kids. They love my blog and are not embarrassed whatsoever. Photo flashback, start of school Sept. 2012.

Last year’s post, Kids, Today, covers a lot and is still applicable, but I have more advice…and it comes from the morning of the big pig show.

The morning routine can be monotonous and the hours that follow can be a forgettable day that are lost as the years go by, but each day attributes to your success. The way you interact with others, learn, practice and manage daily life tasks – your effort is required. The big days are coming and many of those you wake up sans an alarm because of excitement (first day of school –yeah!), nervousness (taking child to college, new job, new house, big presentation – agh!) or high expectations of greatness (kids receive full ride to said college, getting that new job, winning that big deal – wahoo!).

Back in August 1982, it was a big morning. I was up before the roosters and the farmer would be coming to transport the pigs to the showgrounds. The day before I had to gone in advance to clean the stall where my pigs would relax on fresh straw before being paraded around the rink. They would be dropped at the washing area first, where I would scrub them down and walk them over to my assigned stall. Many don’t know that lipstick on a pig does actually change things. The mayonnaise water mixture for the darker pigs and baby powder for the white ones makes them sparkle and shine. Shaving their tales and ears adds a certain je ne sais quoi. Pig beauty is a thing of mystery and that year, long and lean was trending.

French braids flopping, I ran out to feed my gang one last time.

Not. One. Pig. They were gone and my tears were pouring like Niagra Falls. My Dad and I scrambled looking around and spotted the pigs laying on the other side of the property. The electricity had gone off and they escaped under the fence. Luckily, all the ordinary days that summer when I would walk the pigs, train them with a cane, and became their pied piper, paid off. They quickly followed me back through the pastures and soon after, boarded the farmer’s trailer. (Of note, if they were truly smart animals they would have disappeared like Jimmy Hoffa if they realized what their destiny would be in the next 48 hours)

This pig tale had a great ending, I won champion trio that year. So kids, don’t forget to work hard every single day. The big show comes up quick and only you can determine how it will play out.

PSA: I am officially old. I started writing this blog and realized I covered the gist of this back in 2014, just a shittier version The Day My Pig Coughed It’s Bowels Out.