The Babysitter Affair – Shit Hits the Garage

I know its shit hits the fan but stay with me on this one. You would think I have used up shit idioms like the shit sandwich, who gives a shit, holy shit, shitty ass, or the shit show but upon further research there are so many I have forgotten about and new ones I will add to my repertoire.

you can put glitter on shit but it still stinks; bull shit, horse shit, chicken shit; can’t remember shit; cling like shit to a shovel; close as stink on shit; colder than shit, hotter than shit; crazier than a shit house rat; crazy shits; day the eagle shits; diddly-shit, doodly-shit; doesn’t know jack-shit; doesn’t know shit from paint; dumb like my shit; dumb shits; eat shit; everything you touch turns to shit; fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose; find a place for your shit; find shit; forget shit; get your shit together; give a shit; happier than a pig in shit; have a mountain of shit; in deep shit; in the shit; know one’s shit; like a fly on shit; like a possum eating shit; like stink on shit; like trying to fit ten pounds of shit into a five pound bag; lose shit; lucky shits; money talks and bullshit walks; no shit; quicker than shit through a goose; sell shit; serve shit on a shingle; shit fire and save matches; shit for brains; shit happens; shit or get off the pot; shit out of luck; shit-faced; shitty; shoot the shit; slicker than cat shit on a linoleum floor; slicker than greased owl shit; slow as shit through a tin horn; smoke shit; softer than a sneaker full of shit; sound like shit, look like shit, feel like shit; talks like he has a mouth full of shit; the shit hits the fan; the world goes to shit; throw shit, sling shit, catch shit; up shit creek (without a paddle)


My new house has come together and I am feeling settled. The stress still pops up randomly, like the sweet smell of shit here in the mushroom capital of the world, but I am trying to handle it all with grace. For instance, shit overfloweth in my front yard because the lawn guys ran over the sewer cap. After getting a snake in the pipes and a closer look, it was an easy fix. Staying calm as shit.

Last week, giving into the fact at 44 I can no longer see shit up close, I was at the eye doctor buying bifocals. I receive the following text from my sitter:


I arrive home to find her front bumper had found its way, less than gently, into my garage door frame. We agree I would deduct the cost of damages to my garage from her wages. Should be about $200, waiting for my handyman to finish the repairs.  Her need to speak to me in private was regarding Evy.  She is difficult to handle.

evy shirt

You see how nice I was – I told her not to worry, we were putting a discipline plan in place for the Evster and we should touch base and see if she was happy in this job. Truth be told, I started searching for a new sitter. I sensed shit going down.

This  week I received a text one hour prior to picking up my kids at school. To summarize she was respectively resigning, effective immediately, and all of her friends at Starbucks agreed she had more than covered the cost of my garage repairs.

Responsibility at its best, thanks for giving a shit. But hear me people, I am not going to get down on the ‘millennials’ but rather make a difference with the ones that want to be great and build a better reputation for themselves and their generation. I already had plan B in motion and this young man is off to a fantastic start. Based on the fact he made a first day of school t-shirt with his photo on it, has kept the kids busy, has not complained once and parks on the street- I see this as a win.


Tomorrow is National “Make a difference day”  Stop talking shit and make things better.To celebrate, my pick of the week is Toast Vodka. Love the tag line: To life, to love, to us!


Still confused that possums are super happy eating shit out of a light socket, but pretty excited I could work that into the blog!


About alisonguzzio

A marketing and public relations veteran, Alison Guzzio has directed projects for a range of high-tech, pharmaceutical, security, ecommerce, manufacturing, chemical, global trade and broadband companies. Strengths include positioning companies to maximize visibility among key stakeholders such as media, investors, channel partners and customers. Alison has a strong understanding of business objectives and she effectively translates this into results for her clients. In addition to her experience managing the demands on emerging companies, Alison is skilled in taking products from conception to roll-out, developing creative marketing plans, generating media coverage along the entire product lifecycle and leading brand awareness campaigns during critical growth stages.
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