We are back to school people! I thought about being super cool and writing a rap to the music of Cypress Hill’s 1993 hit song, Insane in the Membrane, but I couldn’t outdo the recent viral sensation, The Parent Rap http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_NspDWssIY
Parenting is a tricky-ass mofo (that is as far as I got with my rap). The easiest time, to me, was when they were newborns. I was very strict with what and when they ate and had them all on the “On Becoming Baby Wise” sleep schedule. Channeling Larry David, I was pretty, pretty, pretty confident I had this unwieldy beast nailed down.
And then there were three and they were on the move. And now there is my work, homework, practices, constant discipline, bad friend choices, the house, the laundry, etc. Shit on a shingle, this is hard.
To keep myself somewhat sane, I choose to be laid back in my ways. Not just with housekeeping, but what I let my kids do and how closely I watch them. Charlie could ride a bike without training wheels at 2 1/2. I am not kidding and I am not boasting, the kid was riding the neighborhood hills like a maniac. He had a helmet on, he was fine. What was I supposed to do chase behind him? Who hasn’t scraped a knee or gotten a few stitches before?
Clearly, I am a big fan of the school of hard knocks and it has come to my attention this drives some people crazy.
The incident last fall where my 4-year-old wore a shirt to school that read, ‘Mommy drinks because I am bad’ [read more here: https://alisonguzzio.wordpress.com/2012/12/03/mom-of-the-year-award-goes-to/ ] and it happened to be picture day is not one of my shining moments.
Nonetheless, we can agree to disagree about helicopter parenting. It is just not my style and it provides great content for my blog. I don’t think that makes me a bad parent and I am intrigued, not judging, when I see the alternate in action.
Recently, I was eavesdropping on a conversation between two Moms. Actually, since they were yelling to each other across the nail salon everyone in the place was subjected to the Mommy Dearest dialogue.
Mom A: I could barely stop crying at the school sneak-a-peek.
Mom B: I know. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I already called the director of transportation and it is OK for me to follow the bus once she gets on.
Mom A: That IS a good idea. I found out what time recess will be so I can sit on the hill and watch her.
Mom B: I have ordered a special labeling system for all of her items, you should check it out.
Mom A: I will! Was it Pottery Barn? I have been searching high and low for containers to send her with a hot meal for lunch. I can’t find anything and I am so upset. I mean, she might have to have a…[wait for it] sandwich. Everyday!! [Really, she was horrified.]
Mom B: No, it was [I tuned out the name, but now I am fascinated and may invest in my own to keep tabs on my iPhone chargers that keep disappearing]. With a school background and really pretty typeface.
Mom A: Changing subjects (potentially hiding the fact that she has shopped at TJ Maxx/Marshalls over Pottery Barn)…Did you see the photo of Kim and Kanye’s baby?
Mom B: OMG! So beautiful. I think they are a great couple. I mean he was on Chris Jenner’s show saying how much he loves her and the baby.
Mom A: I know! I think they will make it, I have a good feeling.
Tip of the week: DIY nails.