Insane in the Mombrain

We are back to school people! I thought about being super cool and writing a rap to the music of Cypress Hill’s 1993 hit song, Insane in the Membrane, but I couldn’t outdo the recent viral sensation, The Parent Rap

Parenting is a tricky-ass mofo (that is as far as I got with my rap). The easiest time, to me, was when they were newborns. I was very strict with what and when they ate and had them all on the “On Becoming Baby Wise” sleep schedule. Channeling Larry David, I was pretty, pretty, pretty confident I had this unwieldy beast nailed down.
june cleaver

And then there were three and they were on the move. And now there is my work, homework, practices, constant discipline, bad friend choices, the house, the laundry, etc. Shit on a shingle, this is hard.

To keep myself somewhat sane, I choose to be laid back in my ways. Not just with housekeeping, but what I let my kids do and how closely I watch them.  Charlie could ride a bike without training wheels at 2 1/2. I am not kidding and I am not boasting, the kid was riding the neighborhood hills like a maniac. He had a helmet on, he was fine. What was I supposed to do chase behind him? Who hasn’t scraped a knee or gotten a few stitches before?


Clearly, I am a big fan of the school of hard knocks and it has come to my attention this drives some people crazy.


The incident last fall where my 4-year-old wore a shirt to school that read, ‘Mommy drinks because I am bad’ [read more here: ] and it happened to be picture day is not one of my shining moments.
evy shirt

Nonetheless, we can agree to disagree about helicopter parenting. It is just not my style and it provides great content for my blog. I don’t think that makes me a bad parent and I am intrigued, not judging, when I see the alternate in action.

Recently, I was eavesdropping on a conversation between two Moms.  Actually, since they were yelling to each other across the nail salon everyone in the place was subjected to the Mommy Dearest dialogue.

Practically in tears, here is a snippet of the hour long convo between the two ladies [or should I call them competitors] regarding their first born starting kindergarten.
muscle moms

Mom A: I could barely stop crying at the school sneak-a-peek.

Mom B: I know. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I already called the director of transportation and it is OK for me to follow the bus once she gets on.

Mom A: That IS a good idea. I found out what time recess will be so I can sit on the hill and watch her.

Mom B: I have ordered a special labeling system for all of her items, you should check it out.

Mom A: I will! Was it Pottery Barn? I have been searching high and low for containers to send her with a hot meal for lunch. I can’t find anything and I am so upset. I mean, she might have to have a…[wait for it] sandwich. Everyday!! [Really, she was horrified.]

Mom B: No, it was [I tuned out the name, but now I am fascinated and may invest in my own to keep tabs on my iPhone chargers that keep disappearing].  With a school background and really pretty typeface.

Mom A: Changing subjects (potentially hiding the fact that she has shopped at TJ Maxx/Marshalls over Pottery Barn)…Did you see the photo of Kim and Kanye’s baby?

Mom B: OMG! So beautiful. I think they are a great couple. I mean he was on Chris Jenner’s show saying how much he loves her and the baby.

Mom A: I know! I think they will make it, I have a good feeling.

scary pig

Tip of the week: DIY nails.

About alisonguzzio

A marketing and public relations veteran, Alison Guzzio has directed projects for a range of high-tech, pharmaceutical, security, ecommerce, manufacturing, chemical, global trade and broadband companies. Strengths include positioning companies to maximize visibility among key stakeholders such as media, investors, channel partners and customers. Alison has a strong understanding of business objectives and she effectively translates this into results for her clients. In addition to her experience managing the demands on emerging companies, Alison is skilled in taking products from conception to roll-out, developing creative marketing plans, generating media coverage along the entire product lifecycle and leading brand awareness campaigns during critical growth stages.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Insane in the Mombrain

  1. Tracey Vitale says:

    Hilarious! I welcome back to school…restores a little order in the home, phew!

  2. Lisa says:

    Parenting IS a tricky-ass mofo!

  3. Pingback: All Zippy About Fall Fashion | Pig Pen

  4. Kristin says:

    that conversation is hysterical!

  5. Pingback: The Babysitter Affair – Shit Hits the Garage | Pig Pen

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s